People pay too much attention to what others are saying. I have tried to hear, comprehend, and analyze those words spoken by the people in my life. However, it wasn’t until recently that I learned to pay attention to what they are not saying. What am I talking about? Body language. The words of a conversation are only words, and, standing alone, communicate only a basic idea or concept. Often, it’s the gesture, tone of voice, facial expression, posture, and eye contact that help finalize the meaning of statement or idea being conveyed.
Imagine a person, perhaps your spouse, speaking to you (and – usually mine is not) in your home. She or he has a telephone to her or his ear. You can’t see her or him to detect body language. Furthermore, you can’t hear the tone of her or his voice. She or he sounds like a monotone, computer-generated voice. As you listen, you hear, “I hate this.” What did she or he mean by that, and for whom was the message intended?
This scenario illustrates just how important body language and tone of voice can be. Words take more meaning when they are accompanied by the components of body language.
Now imagine this; you are now able to see your spouse and detect tone of voice. She or he walks up to you, again, with the telephone to her or his ear. She or he looks you in the eye with one eyebrow raised higher than the other, moves the phone’s receiver away from her or his mouth, speaks loudly and slowly, and articulates each word, saying, “I hate this.” What conclusions can be drawn now?
1. She or he is talking to you, as she or he made eye contact with you and moved the phone receiver away from her or his mouth.
2. She or he is serious; the rate of speaking was slow, and the words were clearly articulated.
3. She or he is upset; the voice was loud, and one eyebrow was raised higher than the other.
It is important to remember that we send messages constantly, even when we are not speaking. And, on the flipside, people are reading those messages constantly. Gestures, tone of voice, facial expressions, posture, and eye contact are important in communication. The more one understands these aspects of non-verbal communication, the easier it is to communicate effectively and understand what others are trying to convey. To read more about non-verbal communication, I suggest the book, I Can Read You Like a Book, authored by Gregory Hartley and Maryann Karinch.
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